Monologue of being alone
by startrekkienerdgirl
Summary: The Eleventh Doctor's POV after River, Amy, and Rory have died but before Clara has joined him. "This is what it truly means to be alone" sorry for the crappy summary but again the title says it all


div class="post_title" style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 20px; border: 0px; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 1.3; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444;"Monologue of being alone/div  
>div class="post_body" style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 2px 20px 0px; border: 0px; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 19.6000003814697px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; overflow: visible; float: left; width: 540px; color: #444444;"<br>p style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box;"Monologue of being alone/p  
>p style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box;"Doctor Who br style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box;" 11span style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box;"th/span Doctor POV/p  
>p style="outline: none 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box;"Darkness surrounds me and my old girl; I sit alone for a day wondering just what it would be like to never be alone again. What would it be like to hold someone, to say every waking moment "I love you?" I am an old man, one that runs faster than the whirlwinds of earth's strongest storm. My green set eyes are weak and weary with the saddening memory of all that I have lost. A smile is weak against the dreamlord whom was born from the hatred and darkest emotions ever conceived. I deserve to be alone for the demon inside me that caused so much death. Blood is the only thing I see on my hands, both of them scarlet from the battles once fought and the innocent that have died because of my selfishness to keep living and running away. I run and never look back over my tweed covered shoulder and I am driven to senselessness. I drive myself to a void of emotional outburst that claw their way out into the open. I frighten my companions with the anger that floods out, the banging on the walls and the things that are thrown from their place by my fit of rage. I can't help it; I go crazy talking to a timelord that isn't there, a timelord that is my reflection in a still mirror. He is perfect so innocent never to have done wrong, but he has lived as long as I and has seen every small thing that I have. Why do my friends all have to die? They don't know that it is painful to tell them I love them because they will never know that their lives will end in a terrible forsaken fate. Forget what legend has told you about the joys of family because I cannot experience once that joy. I lie awake at night wishing for a wife that is long gone; she saved me from the terrible fate of dying in the largest loneliest place in the universe. I cry when I see the image in my mind, because I can never stop her from that day. I sent the woman I loved most to her own death; I remember nights when the darkness would fade because River Song was beside me. I would die every day to see her again. I am an old warrior who cannot rest in a peaceful will because I can never really have friends. I would tell the aimless gods to take my memory because I wish not to live in this turmoil any longer. So what if I regenerate at least this part of me will be free. The fourth doctor proved to me what happens when we regenerate and I wish that I just could. I am the Doctor and this is what it truly means to be alone… p  
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